Gay Men Are My Aging Gurus

2010-06-06T20:25:00.000-04:00

Now that each week has a new aging discovery, I need new coaches to help me beat this shit. Because I am not going down without a fight. So bring it, Mother Nature, you bitch but I've got a cadre of superbly well groomed gay guys who can help me fight you. Gay men never stop dating so they know the tricks to keeping your shit tight.

40 Is The New 40. Really

2010-06-06T20:22:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired of hearing that 40 is the new 30. I'm in my mid 40s and you're 40s are just your 40s and they suck. My 30s were filled with adventure, dating and a flat belly. My 40s have been filled with a wave of scary bodily changes that I'm secretly enraged by and embarrassed about. I'm pissed at my mother for never even fucking mentioning the crotch fat. Like WTF? I would mention something like that. It's pretty damn memorable if you ask me. One day you are driving and when you hit a bump your belly does the wave. But it gets worse. Then you look down and "it" is like a small animal head.

The good news is that it is all fixable. I went on my Fabulous Forties diet because I refused to wear fat jeans because my bloated hooha. And because I had enough to deal with with gray hairs. Yes, I didn't have a gray hair until 46. So I've lived in a bubble for almost half a century. That bubble was burst when my last boyfriend, Diabolical Douchebag, so stressed me out that I noticed gray eyebrow hairs for the first time in my life after our breakup. And also in the place that will remain nameless. I have been through surgery, being robbed, job loss and car accidents and never went gray. Until I dated a NYC douche.

Fabulous 40s Survival Guide

Gay Men Are My Aging Gurus

40 Is The New 40. Really